The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole. David Sedaris
I have something I need to tell you, " he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him. "I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you,...
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Veronica Roth
I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
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Scott Adams
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
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Lemony Snicket
When God Created Mothers"When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?"...
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Erma Bombeck
And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.
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Cassandra Clare
More Quotes By David Sedaris
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
